Lisa Sutton continued making brush strokes on her recent painting in progress. It was of a man sitting outside of the back of his van selling dog-like muzzles for humans. Months ago, this man would have been selling watermelons or maybe even tomatoes but now he was selling muzzles meant to prevent humans from biting one another.  She stared at the half finished painting, fussing over forgotten details and cursing herself for not taking a picture when she’d had the chance. 

Lisa heard a knock at the door to her studio and yelled for the person to come in assuming it was her boyfriend, Randy. The door creaked open and her boyfriend walked in with a smile on his face and still dressed in his electrician’s uniform. “Hello my artistic girlfriend.” He said crossing the room and kissing her gently on top of her head. She turned to him. “Hey babe, how was work?” She asked. “Fortunately, I’m staying busy. Whether it’s the end of the world or not, turns out people want electricity right up to the last day. What are you working on?” He asked. “Oh just something that captures everyday life for people now.” She said, turning back to the painting with a critical eye. Randy straightened his back and put his arms straight out in front of him with his hands vertical; making fun of the new sign language that told people at a distance what you were, and then he shouted dramatically, “The new normal!”

“Ugh, do you have to say that in here? I’m going to lose it if I have to hear that phrase for the rest of my life.” Lisa said. Randy laughed. “Have you gotten your tests confirming your diagnosis yet?” He asked. Lisa shook her head. “I haven’t and it’s really upsetting me. It’s been almost three weeks since I was bitten and I still haven’t heard anything. Meanwhile, my mother is begging me to visit her in Egypt before things get worse.” She said.

Randy pulled up a chair next to her so he could talk more comfortably. “It’s really a shame that you were bitten, if people simply wore their muzzles in public like they were supposed to then this zombie virus wouldn’t have spread so much.” He said, gently stroking her shoulder. Which had already turned a dark grey, and as soon as Randy touched it; promptly fell off. Randy stared at the small piece of flesh on the cement floor. And then glanced back quickly at Lisa like he’d been caught stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. But she was throwing her head into her hands and hadn’t noticed that a piece of her shoulder was missing. “I wish you wouldn’t call it that. Zombie virus. It makes me feel like we are living horror movie.” She said through muffled tears. “Umm… my love… um…” Randy said, pointing down at the floor. Lisa turned and looked but her eyes did not widen as Randy’s had. She simply bent down and picked up the flesh. “Yeah, this started a couple days ago.” She said, and then gently pushed the flesh back into her shoulder. “Have you begun to show any symptoms?” Lisa asked. Randy leaned back. “Um well. I’ve lost taste for everything except red meat but I’m still able to eat it cooked.” He said. Lisa burst into tears. “I’m.. so ….sorry I gave this to you. I..I…” She stammered. Randy shook his head. “It’s okay, Lisa, we are young. We will be fine. We can survive as zombies as long as we wear our muzzles when we go out and stay away from our grandparents and my parents until they find a cure.” Randy said in as comforting a tone as possible. The problem was that he wasn’t so sure that he believed his own words. America had not done a good job containing the virus and they were currently being quarantined without any end in sight. He put his arms around her and pulled his decaying girlfriend in for a hug.

Instead of posting my stance on topics of the day, it has come to my attention that the general American public is awful at arguing, debating and recognizing their own biases and logical fallacies. So this is going to be a quick study guide on how to argue on Facebook. For this post, I will concentrate on natural biases that we all harbor. Regardless of your level of intelligence, everyone struggles to overcome these biases but if you are aware of them, you can diminish their effects in discussions with your friends and enemies on Facebook.

First, what is a cognitive bias?

A cognitive bias is defined as a systematic error in thinking that occurs when people are processing and interpreting information in the world around them and it affects the decisions and judgments that they make.

There are dozens of known biases and I will provide links below that list them but basically biases come from our brains’ desire to efficiently make shortcuts in decision making. This causes us to make faulty assumptions and arguments based on unreliable information and a warped view of the world. Most of the time, biases don’t cause much harm and they may have many benefits in keeping us alive but they can also discredit it us and cause us to be stuck in toxic worldview. Below I’ve outlined only a couple of common biases, if you find yourself hanging your head in shame at recognition that you do these some or all of the time. Don’t feel bad. I do too. And so does everyone. It takes practice to recognize when others are using them and even more self awareness to recognize when you are stuck in a cognitive bias box.

Confirmation bias

Also metaphorically referred to as the echo chamber. This bias revolves around our brains desire to hold onto the truths it already believes. The result of this desire is an individual seeks out information that agrees with how they already think. They read articles and data that agrees with them and avoids information that disagrees with them. You might surround yourself with friends that agree with you and simply block and ignore people who disagree with you or represent the opposite viewpoint as your own. Social media is often accused of reinforcing confirmation bias. Due the ease with which you can control the information you see and the algorithms used to show you things you will already agree with. And even if you are aware that confirmation bias is an intimate part of how you think, it can be difficult to combat. Neil DeGrasse Tyson, a famous astrophysicist stated in his masterclass that he often reads books about topics that are in direct opposition to his current worldview. He stated that he reads books on astrology and aliens to make sure that he not only understands how others think but that he is continually challenging his confirmation bias. The trick however is that it isn’t enough to simply read things that you assume you might disagree with it; you must read and listen with an open mind. You must almost hope that what you’re reading will change your mind and work to let it. And if you really want to combat your confirmation bias, take on the arguments of the worldview in opposition to you and argue in their favor in a constructive way. If you can truly think from the opposite perspective of your own, you will see the glaring holes in your own arguements and either adjust how you think or you will patch those holes up. Essentially, you will not know that your foundation is strong until you challenge it. It can be painful at first but the goal here is to have the most accurate way of viewing the world as possible and not to be someone who is stuck in their ways. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias

Polarization Effect

Associated with confirmation bias is the polarization effect on opinion. This effect is what occurs as a byproduct to confirmation bias. When given information that is opposed to your current worldview, your natural tendency is to reject the information and reinforce your current held opinion. Studies have shown that if your opinion is actively stated or written, then you become more stubborn in solidifying your worldview due to the open commitment (maybe this is why we still get married and announce relationships publicly but that is a different topic). Announcing your opinion can then increase the problem of the polarization effect. This is an attempt to battle confirmation bias gone wrong. It occurs because the subject is only listening out of obligation to prove that they are still right and not with an open mind genuinly seeking to learn. If information, opinions or data are not considered from an unbiased perspective, you will only deepen your resolve. If the other person also exhibits the polarization effect, they will only deepen their resolve. And now you have two parties that believe in their viewpoint beyond what is reasonable. On a small scale, this tendency isn’t such a bad thing. But these polarizations and confirmation biases can have widespread affects on policy and cause mass genocides. Why did the nazi extermination of the jews happen? Confirmation bias and polarization of opinion. Why were millions of African Americans enslaved, requiring a civil war that killed hundreds of thousands of people to end that slavery? Confirmation bias and polarization of opinion. If you hear someone else’s point of view and it doesnt cause you to question yours even a little but rather causes you to cross your arms and proclaim that now you believe even harder! Then guess what, you are a part of the problem.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Group_polarization#Attitude_polarization

The Dunning Kruger Effect

Basically stated, it suggests that the more you know the less confident you are while the less you know, the more confident you are. It sounds rather simple but this is an actual studied effect that is a part of human psychology. On topics of controversy, it is often the experts or people who are well versed in the topic that stay silent or regularly admit to not knowing everything. While people with little to no knowledge or direct experience seem to go on for ages about their opinion that has excessively oversimplified a complex issue.

For example

Man: Why dont women who were raped just take Plan B if they dont want the baby?

White person: why dont black people just not commit crimes and then the cops wont be mean to them?

These oversimplified opinions are not unique or ground breaking they merely reveal your complete and utter lack of ability to think about a perspective outside of your own. No everyone is not entitled to their opinion. Especially if that opinion is the first ill informed thing that vomited out of your mouth.

The question to ask yourself before you go into a topic is to ask yourself what about my experience gives me a credible opinion on this matter? If I argue for rights for immigrants is it because I’ve read books and books on how immigration impacts a country, have I talked to hundreds of immigrants and asked what they wanted or needed or why they emigrated in the first place? Or am I talking from a place of fear because of a single article I read online while living hundreds of miles away from densely populated cities with immigrants? If you only know one person that has immigrated to the United States and argue in favor of her experience, guess what you dont have enough information either. The trick is to enter debates seeking to understand and gain information coming from a place of where you constantly acknowle that it is likely that you do not know enough yet. 

For my dancers out there, this effect also translates to abilities and skills. If you’ve ever asked someone to dance and they responded with, “Do you even know how to dance?” and you kind if pause, thinking well, there are definitely people better then me. I have a lot to learn so it’s possible she/he is better than me. After considering this you answer “I’m alright.” and she/he begrudgingly agrees to dance with you and proceeds to be the one of the worst dancers you’ve ever danced with, then you are dancing with someone who has fallen under the Danning-Kruger Effect.

The general way to overcome this is to realize that your ability or knowledge on a topic is almost always lower than what you think it is.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect#:~:text=In%20the%20field%20of%20psychology,recognize%20their%20lack%20of%20ability.

The Fundamental Attribution Error

This error is the tendency to believe that what people do reflects their character or who they are while what you do is merely a reflection of the circumstances or the situation imposed on you. A very classic explanation of this is when someone cuts you off in traffic, your immediate thought is that they are a jerk or a bad driver but when you cut someone off, you excuse it because you are late to work or you had to make your exit or your wife is giving birth and you’re going to miss it. In this instance, the Error is mostly harmless, however, it can have overarching effects on our judgments of others. If you believe cop violence is enacted only on bad people who have committed crime but if you were in a similar situation facing the cops and being mistreated you wouldn’t attribute their mistreatment due to your crime or perceived crime, you would postulate that the cops were corrupt. Or you might even dismiss your crime as necessary for survival. If you believe the cops’ actions were due to them having a mental illness or being a bad person but then you as a cop, dismiss mistakes and situations that were overly charged emotionally and that you are tired and haven’t been trained correctly then you are falling under the spell of the fundamental attribution error. 

Or if you see someone being abused by their husbands and you state that they must just be weak or lazy to not leave. 

If you see a man abusing his wife, you might simply state that he is a bad person and that is why he is hitting her. 

In this way, complex social issues are often pinned on a single individual and ignored instead of dealt with on a larger scale.

https://www.simplypsychology.org/fundamental-attribution.html

A conversation with the part I don’t like:

“They just extended the stay at home order another month, I don’t know if I can be alone with you another month.”

“Wow you must really hate yourself.”

“I don’t hate myself. I hate you.”

“Um.. I am you. I’m literally in your mind.”

‘You’re not the real me. You’re the devil, the bad part or the negative part. I don’t know. The real me is happy, encouraging, uplifting and creative.”

“If that were true, why do I always take over when you’re alone? Why are you so afraid of yourself?”

“I’m not afraid of me. I’m afraid of you. I can’t control you. You do what you want. You say what you want. You think what you want. You feel what you want. And you’re selfish. You scare all of my friends away and then I’m left feeling lonely.”

“I do not scare them away. You do. You are the one that ruins everything by trying to be exactly what they want.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“They see you hiding me. They see you fighting hard to keep me suppressed. YOU don’t like you, so they don’t respect you. You’re so afraid of me ruining things that you ruin them before I even get the chance to.”

“That’s because if I ruin them first, then at least I stay in control.”

“You control nothing. What happens when you put a lid on boiling water?”

“It boils more.”

“That’s right. You’re trying to put a lid on yourself so people don’t see that you’re boiling. But they see it. They see the water boiling out and onto the stove, sizzling loudly and causing a mess. So they back away. If you would just take off the lid, let go of your control, let go of trying to hide me and your fear of me, I’d be able to help you.”

“This metaphor is stupid, I’m just supposed to let you boil?! What good will that do?”

“Boiled water is clean. Boiled water is safe and useful.”

“That’s great and all but I’ve been fighting you for so long, I don’t think I know how to be myself anymore.”

“Might as well try. Everyone sees through your mask anyways.”

First off what exactly is negative thinking? Thinking about bad outcomes or the awful state that things are currently in? The truth is, negative thinking is actually necessary and shouldn’t be rid of completely.

There are two types of negative thinking, the type that is negative but realistic and the type that is negative and not realistic. If it’s an unrealistic thought, it should be disregarded, but if it’s realistic, it should be considered further because realistic negative thinking can save your life. While unrealistic negative thinking will cause you to sink into stress, anxiety and depression.

On the flip side, the same can be said for realistic positive thinking and unrealistic positive thinking. Many people think that in order to combat unrealistic negative thinking, they have to overwhelm the unrealistic negative thoughts with unrealistic positive thoughts. This will never have the desired effect. All it does is cause the gap between unrealistic extremes to increase. And then your mind will have nothing to grab onto because it knows neither are true. All that is left is a hallow emptiness and a mask trying to be something that you’re not.

For a dancing metaphor, think about it like this. We are told not to step outside of our body center/weight. Why is this? When you step outside of your body with your left foot; you might try to step way out with your right foot to compensate. But experienced and new dancers can attest that this overcompensation actually causes an awkward off balance weeble wobble. If you continue to step outside of your body center/weight; you will eventually fall down. This isn’t a bad thing as a dancer. It’s something new people do because it is our instinct to match the extra energy the left foot attempted with the right foot, thinking this will balance us back out.

But even the most experienced dancers still occasionally accidentally step outside of their body weight, they just deal with it differently. Let’s say your left foot goes way outside of your body weight/center and you have that ‘Oh shit’ moment where your eyes widen because you realize you are now off balance. Don’t panic. It’s okay that you did that. It’s not the end of the world and it doesn’t make you a bad dancer. Instead of taking a huge step with your right foot outside of your body weight again, place your right foot directly under your body. You might wobble a little but if you place the left foot under your body right after; you’ve just regained your balance.

If the left foot is negative thinking and the right foot is positive thinking in this example then its easy to see how sometimes less is more. Less effort that is concentrated has a bigger impact.

It is important to remember that just because you HAVE a thought, that doesn’t make it TRUE. And it doesn’t make you a bad negative person. What matters is how you handle them.

For example,

Let’s say you have a really negative thought.

Everyone I love is going to die from this virus.

And you start to panic and stress because you’re thinking negatively and you told yourself to stop being negative so you jump to the other side and think something super positive.

No one is going to die. This is in God’s hands and we are all going to be fine no matter what we do. Everything is great.

You still might find yourself feeling stressed out. Why is that? Because your heart knows that neither one of these is realistic. And you are out of balance jumping dramatically from one side to the other and attempting to rationalize them both. Your thoughts will feel out of your control.

Instead when you have this type of thought:

Everyone I love is going to die from this virus.

And you start to panic, ask yourself is this realistic? If you aren’t sure logically, do some research. If you know in your heart that it probably isn’t; then correct it with a REALISTICALLY positive thought.

Statistically, most people will survive the virus.

Then bounce back to a realistically negative thought.

Some people will die though. Some people have died.

Then try another positive thought. Maybe one that is in your control and proactive.

But more people will survive if we all do our best to prevent the spread of the virus and stay inside. I can spend this time strengthening my relationship with God.

The problem with attempting to have just positive thoughts is that when your mind strays and has a drastically negative thought you then turn that on yourself, attacking your self-esteem for not being able to think positively ALL OF THE TIME. You can’t beat yourself into thinking positively. If you try it will only come back stronger and with a rebellious vengeance. Let yourself think negatively. Challenge your negativity. Oh yeah, is that the worst you got Mr. Negative. Because now you’re just being silly trying to come up with the worst thing ever that is never going to happen. I want you to stick around to help me, but you’re going to have to make sense.

Ok maybe that’s a little crazy. But the point is that thinking negatively doesn’t make you a bad person. Thinking negatively is there to keep us careful.  Your only responsibility is to evaluate which thoughts are realistic, which ones have merit. Which ones should be used to build your mind base. If your mind base is built off crazy unrealistically positive and negative thoughts you will fall down. And you can’t just think positively, just like you can’t dance only on the right leg. That isn’t dancing, that’s hopping, you will definitely fall down or get really tired. Especially if you’re dancing alone, you wont always have a partner to cling to when you feel out of balance.

I’ve gone through a lot in my life and I’ve developed a way to deal with things.

Most recently when my mom died, and I would talk about the circumstances surrounding her death, I was often shut down and told to THINK POSITIVELY. But attempting to force me to think positively would have removed me from the reality of the situation. And the situation was very negative. So basically they were asking me to just ignore the situation and just ignore the fact that my mom had been killed. I need both sides of realistic thought, positive and negative.

We are in a negative situation right now. And realistically, a lot of negative things are going to happen. Forcing yourself to THINK POSITIVELY will not help you. It will only cause the ground underneath you to turn to sand. Grab onto the positive and negative things that are realistic. The things that you can control and use those to build the base of your mind and heart. Let the unrealistic things float by you and don’t let them take root. When you get really advanced at this, you’ll be able to laugh at them as they pass you by. BOTH the unrealistically negative AND the unrealistically positive. In fact, you shouldn’t be thinking about your thoughts as being negative or positive, you should only be thinking about them as realistic or unrealistic.

This will be really hard at first. At first you’ll cry at every negative thought. You’ll beat yourself up because you can’t control your thoughts. And you’ll have to fight the urge to jump to the other side and be crazy positive so that you feel better. But remember that that crazy leap doesn’t make you feel better, it only causes you to feel more lost. BUT IT’S OKAY! It’s okay that you’re negative! It’s not a bad thing to be negative! Be negative. Let your negative flag fly. When you consciously choose the thoughts you want to be your mind base, every thought that doesn’t belong there becomes laughable or becomes an opportunity for exploration. You can’t choose the thoughts you have. You can only choose which thoughts take root. Let the realistic ones take root.

If you’re unsure whether something is unrealistic or not, REACH OUT! Don’t evaluate whether it’s bad or good and if it’s bad decide not to mention it. If something is super negative and stressing you out, figure out if it’s realistic. I don’t care how bad it is. Because a lot of the most beautiful things we have today are the products of negative thinking. The only reason depression and suicide is going to skyrocket during this virus is because of the vapid positivism you’re shoving down everyone’s throat to compensate for your own negativity that you’re ashamed of.  

And to start out, I’ll admit something negative that I’ve worried about and processed.

I’m scared that with so much distance, my friends will forget about me and I’ll lose them.

But I let that thought go because I know that realistically most of my friendships have a solid base.

I might lose a friend or two. But that is just a part of life. Friends come and go, that doesn’t make them any less valuable.

All I can do is continue to offer and show my friendship to the best of my ability at a distance until all of this over.

I’m wondering what the death toll has to get to for people to start caring. 100? 1000? 100,000?

How close to home does it have to be for you to care?

When it killed the Chinese, no one batted an eye. While it’s killing the Italians, we don’t care. When it’s just a few Americans in Washington state, we aren’t concerned. When it’s next door to you, will you start to worry? When it’s your grandmother, will you write it off because it’s only killing the elderly?

One of my favorite people on this planet is older than 80 and my friends that repeatedly say it’s just the elderly tell her over and over again that she doesn’t matter, when she’s five times the person that you could ever hope to be.

But the truth is, this doesn’t just threaten people over 80, It threatens people in their 40s with asthma that have 10 year olds to raise. The elderly and people with respiratory issues are just more threatened.

You as a healthy 25 year old, can get sick and your immune system could fail you.

And if you keep saying that a 3% death rate is low, then you have a very poor understanding of percentages. 3% is one out of every 30 people. One out of every 30 people will die just because they shook hands with someone already infected or got coughed on. That is statistically, one person in every family.

When Red River allowed 500 people to dance on Saturday, if one of those people was infected, they just killed statistically 17 people. And the reason only 17 of those people will die is under the assumption that the other people that would survive under care would get care. If this allowed to get out of control many more than 17 will die because our hospitals simply don’t have the capacity to take care of the others.

Maybe this is just a conspiracy and we find out in the future. We can deal with that and be angry about that in the future when we are all still alive.

Maybe the media is causing hysteria, and if that’s true we can deal with that later too, when we are certain this virus isn’t as bad as we think it is right now.

Maybe it’s barely worse than the flu or equal to the flu. But the thing is, when the flu first started to emerge in modern society, it decimated us. The flu is actually pretty bad. Virus’ don’t have a cure once you get them, you just have to treat symptoms.

In two months I want to be bowing to everyone saying that we overreacted because the death toll stayed low. I want time to pass and us to realize this virus was nothing. I want to be really wrong here. I want to laugh at red river with all of my friends young, old, healthy or immune compromised to be teasing me that I freaked out for no reason. I want the morgues and the cemeteries to stay empty. I want everyone to be around so we can clean up the economy after. Because that can be repaired but once loved ones are lost, there’s nothing we can do. We wont be able to go to funerals together or console each other.

They will just be lost forever.

And we will have to continue to hide alone.

Please prove me wrong. Fight your desire to be rebellious and the fear you feel about being alone so that we can be together later.

I am not in the media, I am not part of any conspiracy, and I’m not saying that those aren’t possible but the risk that this virus is real and deadly is there too. If you aren’t considering that the virus is real and could not only kill you and someone you love, then you are setting up our country for a heartbreak as bad or worse then Italy.

Please, prove me wrong. I’d rather be wrong and us be alive together later.

https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/country/us/

https://www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/country/italy/.

Accepting yourself isn’t the opposite of growth. They are some of the steps to progress.

1. Find the Weakness

The first step is to figure out what your weakness is or what you might be doing wrong. This part is hard because our ego spends years convincing our conscious selves that there isn’t anything wrong. It creates a blind spot in understanding ourselves and our behavior to protect us. You have to do some intense self reflection and be open to input from people that you trust to find the areas in yourself that you can improve on. If you’re constantly asking yourself the same question or observing the same results of your efforts, you need a new perspective and to break free of your personal biases. But it doesn’t matter as much how you find the areas of improvement, as long as you do and you can confirm that they are in fact weaknesses.

2. Accept Yourself

The next step, once you’ve find those weaknesses or mistakes, is to accept yourself and love yourself in spite of your shortcomings. Remember you’re a work in progress. And this newly found mistake developed in response to your strengths.

For example, if you constantly chase new situations and stimulus, it’s probably because you didn’t have a stable life growing up. You didn’t have stability so you convinced yourself that you didn’t need it and became too adaptable in adulthood.

If your feelings have been dismissed your entire life, you become overly logical and deny the value of your own feelings. If you’re on the extreme side, you might even deny that you have feelings.

These weaknesses subconsciously develop in response to our coping mechanisms. And it takes a lot of effort to recognize our blind spots because our ego is working overtime to lie to us.

But even though the overly logical person will deny their emotions and the person running from thing to thing, person to person denies the desire for stability, it is actually what they want. Once you recognize your own weaknesses, and then you accept yourself as being a logical person that wants to be able to express their emotions, you will realize that the suppression of secret desires actually hinders your strengths. Once this is realized, your strength will be set free.

Your blind spot is like an exhausted tired 3 year old nagging you in the back of your mind. But if you push that three year old away, their cries only get louder. Once you pick up that three year old, and soothe it accepting that there is a part of you that is still very childish and needs a bit of coddling, that part of you stops crying for attention and you’re able to focus on the immense strength inside of you.

3. Growth

Once you accept yourself for the recognized weakness, the growth starts to happen naturally. You start to recognize where weakness is holding you back and you just tear it down or coddle it in the way that it wants, and literally over night, you can start to become the person you want to be.

If you can’t recognize your weakness and accept yourself not only in spite of it but because of it, you will not be able to grow. It will feel like you’re climbing up a mountain while God is throwing rocks at you for you to dodge.

For example, if you’ve recognized that your denial of the need for stability is a weakness and you’ve accepted yourself because you realize that the lack of stability made you a creative free spirited person, you will start to see where the unconscious desire for stability is controlling you. You might let toxic people stay in your life because despite their toxicity, they provide a consistent connection. Or you might rush relationships to a point of stability without having put in the work. If you accept that you have unconscious desires, you can now make them conscious and control them instead of fighting them.

If you are reading this and you feel like there is blind spot in your personality that’s holding you back, private message me. I’m developing something that will help people in the future recognize their deepest weaknesses. And I would love to have an open honest conversation with anyone willing.

The eight functions are listed below. I will describe them in greater detail on the next article. This article is just so that you can get familiar with how they are organized.

• Introverted Thinking (Ti)
• Introverted Feeling (Fi)
• Introverted Sensing (Si)
• Introverted Intuition (Ni)
• Extroverted Thinking (Te)
• Extroverted Feeling (Fe)
• Extroverted Sensing (Se)
• Extroverted Intuition (Ne)

	Judging Functions	Perceiving Functions
Introverted	Ti Fi	Si Ni
Extroverted	Te Fe	Se Ne

Introverted Functions –  Four of the functions are introverted. They are directed inwards, internal, rarely exposed to the outside world and will be filtered by the person’s extroverted function causing the actual introverted function to often be misunderstood. Introverted functions are developed internally by looking inwardly in the way that the function requires.

• Introverted Thinking (Ti)
• Introverted Feeling (Fi)
• Introverted Sensing (Si)
• Introverted Intuition (Ni)

Extroverted Functions – Four of the functions are extroverted. They are directed outwards, external, how we interact with the outside world, and are developed by interacting with the outside world in the way that the function requires.

• Extroverted Thinking (Te)
• Extroverted Feeling (Fe)
• Extroverted Sensing (Se)
• Extroverted Intuition (Ne)

Perceiving Functions – Four of the functions are perceiving, and they gather information that is either physical stimuli or abstract concepts.

• Introverted Sensing (Si)
• Extroverted Sensing (Se)
• Introverted Intuition (Ni)
• Extroverted Intuition (Ne)

Judging Functions – Four of the functions are judging, and they organize information, either rationally or emotionally.

• Extroverted Thinking (Te)
• Introverted Thinking (Ti)
• Introverted Feeling (Fi)
• Extroverted Feeling (Fe)

Breaking them down even further:

Thinking Functions – logically and rationally organizes external world or internal thoughts

• Introverted Thinking (Ti)
• Extroverted Thinking (Te)

Feeling Functions – emotionally organizes external or internal feelings

• Introverted Feeling (Fi)
• Extroverted Feeling (Fe)

Sensing Functions – concerned with real world physical information, whether concrete experiences from the past or current real time experiences,

• Introverted Sensing (Si)
• Extroverted Sensing (Se)

Intuitive Functions – concerned with abstract information, may focus on current patterns and how they will affect the future

• Introverted Intuition (Ni)
• Extroverted Intuition (Ne)

So we add the final dimension:

The empty socket in my mouth where my tooth had been pulled ached. I needed to get home, lay in bed and watch some entertaining but not mentally strenuous television.

As I stuck the key into my ignition, I sighed. I remembered my roommate chasing me down the hall last night as soon as I’d gotten home from having my tooth pulled. “Will you have rent by Friday?” He mumbled. “Whaht?” I asked, gargling the extra spit and blood in my mouth around the gauze. “Rent. Will you have it by Friday?” He asked again.

At first, I wanted to tell him to just message me these things instead of chasing me down the hallway like my hair was on fire but I didn’t feel like prolonging the conversation, so I rolled my eyes and said. “Yeah. I’ll have it tomorrow.” And turned away. I shouldn’t be so hard on him. He has diagnosed Asperger’s Syndrome, and he simply bulldozes through social cues because of it.  

Feeling sorry for myself and the pain in my left cheek, I arrived at the bank and sarcastically weaved through the stanchions. I walked straight up to the Hispanic woman behind the thick glass and requested the money order. After the usual bank interactions were over, she paused while handing me the money order and smiled awkwardly like she was studying me and wanted to ask me something, asked, “Don’t you usually come in with your Mom?”

I blankly stared at her. She’d gotten me impressively wrong with her assumptions.

The first assumption was that I was young enough to normally go to the bank with my mother, which shaved off at least a decade of my actual age. And before you say that I’ll appreciate it when I get older, I really don’t think I will. The repetitive discussion of disbelief is already annoying and boring to me, so I doubt it will become more interesting the more I hear it. But also, my apparent youth is simply an excuse for people to dismiss my opinions, abilities and experiences. And as I grow older and continue to gather knowledge and experiences that are further discredited; I suspect that it will only irritate me more.

The second assumption was that my mother was alive. Which she wasn’t. She’d died six months ago. And died brutally at the hands of her abusive husband.

At this sudden reminder, I wanted to yell and cry at her. I wanted to call her a bitch and make her feel terrible for her question.

I would never be able to go anywhere with my mom again. I’d never hear her voice again. Because she was gone. Underground. My beautiful mother, also frequently dismissed for her youthful look, would have laughed at and shared my frustration at always being carded for over the counter medicine and monster energy drinks. But she was gone forever. And I’d never get to laugh with her again.

The bank teller’s smile began to fade. I winced, fighting back my anger, sadness and memories of my mom smiling and laughing. There was no way she could have known that her question would stab me straight in my heart. It was innocent curiosity and mistaken identity. I couldn’t turn my anger and sadness on her.

I took a breathe. Forced a smile. And shook my head no. Who was I to change the questions that she asked people? I’d rather be reminded of my Mom, and how we used to laugh, then to be asked how I was doing and then continue to feel sorry for myself and the temporary pain in my mouth.

I’ve recently immersed myself in a new dance, west coast swing. It’s a lot harder than dancing country. The footwork is more complex and timing is extremely important, not to mention connection, eye contact and a ton of other things that you have to think about while dancing this style.

I’m very determined to get better, and I’ve been listening to every bit of advice or criticism that I’ve received from professionals and other people at my level.

But it’s got me thinking about how I receive criticism. When someone way better than me gives me something to work on; I might ask a question for clarification but overall I take that critique and put it in my back pocket and I might try and think about it during my other dances. But I never take a critique personally. They aren’t attacking my character by helping me perfect something that I’m passionate about. In fact, it shows that they do like me, otherwise why would they take the time?

Receiving criticism from pros or peers and being able to use that further yourself is the first step to accepting criticism with a positive mindset.

But it is even harder to critique yourself without taking it personally. I know that sounds confusing. But for example, I was just analyzing a video of my footwork and I had a thought, ‘I hate how dainty my steps look.’ But that isn’t the same as me saying I hate myself. I detach my current skill level from who I am as a person. If I don’t like the way my footsteps look, then I think about it next time I’m recording myself and I get my steps right until it looks how I want it too. Some might say that I’m being to hard on myself. But I don’t see it that way. I know I have the ability to fix something with practice and the right help; I’m hard on the presentation and execution. What I want is for the presentation and execution to represent me. If I don’t like how my feet look dainty when I step, it’s because I don’t think of myself as dainty, so I need to stop representing myself like that subconsciously.

But this way of thinking can extend to almost anything. If I’m drawing something, I criticize my own ability to present and execute the image. I’m not criticizing myself so my self esteem remains in tact.

If you can’t criticize yourself without taking it personal, then you will struggle to get better. You simply have to check how you receive criticism. If you see a video of yourself spinning and you look kind of awkward and you think ‘ugh why do I spin like that, I’m such an awkward person, no wonder no one wants to dance with me.” You’re destroying your own embedded motivation by attacking your character and social skills. You see yourself as awkward in the spin, so you place that value on your whole character, when it should be the other way around, know that you aren’t awkward and that an awkward spin is simply a misunderstanding of skill. If you attach the awkward to your character then you will not work to fix the spin because that’s just how you are and there is no fixing it. You’re taking it personal.

The interesting thing to me is that when I express a criticism of my own performance, in general, people assume that I am taking that criticism personal. “Oh why did I duck like that, that was weird.” Is met with, “you aren’t weird, you’re just learning! Don’t be so hard on yourself!” I just don’t think statements like that are helpful in any way. Self esteem isn’t achieved by a count of compliments from strangers or friends, it’s achieved internally by trusting yourself and your ability. So responding in that way, even if the person was taking their own criticism personally, isn’t going to help them, they will likely just sulk longer in their perceived failure. If you have trained yourself to not take criticisms personally, then those responses are just annoying.

Train yourself to separate yourself personally from the output so that it can be improved on.

Carl Jung’s work on cognitive functions is vastly more useful than the Myers Briggs horoscopey simplification of personality. It defines the way a person prefers to take in and processes information. The type of information that is taken in and how it is processed, affects a person’s personality, what they value and the actions that they may take. It is the key to understanding how people think and why we get along with some people, why we can’t stand others and why some people we find interesting.

So what are the cognitive functions and how are they connected to the Myers Briggs simplification?

Carl Jung defined eight cognitive functions that are organized in several ways.

Four of the functions are perceiving functions, four of them are judging functions. In Jung’s work, the perceiving functions gather information and the judging functions process or evaluate that information.

Two of the perceiving functions are sensing and two of the perceiving functions are intuitive, while two of the judging functions are thinking and two of the judging functions are feeling.

Four of the functions are introverted functions and four of them are extroverted functions. Introverted functions are directed inward, and extroverted functions are directed outward. There are four different ways that a person can be introverted and four different ways that a person can be extroverted.

Every person has a dominant function that consists of most of the reasons why they do things, and what they value. If someone who knows you well is describing your personality, they are likely describing this cognitive function and how it is manifested in your actions. This is also the function that develops first as a kid, this is why children are pretty easy to identify, they are either gathering information or processing the world using only one cognitive function.

The auxiliary function develops when you are a teenager or young adult. It develops in support of your dominant function and is the opposite of your dominant function. For example, if you started with an introverted perceiving function then you will begin to develop an extroverted judging function. Because of this, descriptions or understandings of your personality can seem contradicting. For example, “I love for things to be organized and I want things to make logical sense, but I know that I’m open minded and I can quickly change my mind if I find new information.” Or “I prefer to spend most nights alone, reading or watching television but I also have a lot of friends that I hang out with Friday nights.” The goal is to be closer to balance between judging or perceiving and introverted and extroverted. At least that is the goal, and what Carl Jung determined to be the healthiest development of our personalities. However, some people resist developing the opposite function of their nature, and they will jump straight to developing their tertiary function.

The tertiary function is developed in a person’s twenties or early thirties. It is the same direction as the dominant function, meaning that if your dominant function is introverted, your tertiary function will be as well but it will have the same perception as the auxiliary function, meaning that if you’re auxiliary function is a judging function, your tertiary function will be too. This function may cause a major shift in what you think is valuable and important. Its main goal is to refine and balance the dominant and auxiliary functions. A problem arises, however when a person doesn’t work on developing their secondary function and they go directly to working on their third. People do this because it is very hard to change the direction of your energy. If I’ve been introverted my entire life and I define myself by needing alone time, it often takes conscious effort put myself out there and work on the secondary function, for this reason many people jump to the third function and instead of changing both direction and perception, they only change perception. For example an introvert takes in information using intuition and then skips the extroverted function jumping directly to developing introverted judging function using feelings. This is where unhealthy people create false stereotypes for the personality types defined by Myers Briggs. But I will save that explanation for a later article.

The fourth function, or the inferior function, will be in a the opposite direction of your dominant function and the same as far as perceiving or judging. This function, accounts for a lot of your weaknesses and blind spots. The younger a person is the more that they will detest and fight this outlook. But the older a person gets, the more they will start to accept that some concepts associated with their inferior function have value.

The descriptions of each cognitive function is below, I will relate the vague statements and order I described in the descriptions of each function.

Introverted Sensing (Si) – This function is the dominant function of an ISTJ (SiTeFiNe) and an ISFJ (SiFeTiNe). This function is a perceiving function, which means its primary purpose is to take in information, and since it is introverted, this type of information gathering is directed inward. Dominant Si users focus on information that has been tested and proven to work in the real world. They prefer stability and things to not be stirred up and changed if nothing is broken. But because this is a dominant function, its user is usually concerned more with their own personal traditions and ways of doing things. As children they are often described as being mature and responsible for their age. Romantically, they often have to wait for people their age to value the same stability respect for things that most people have been told but insist on trying themselves. Although their dominant function is perceiving, Myers Briggs labeled ISTJs and ISFJs as Judgers because their auxiliary function is extroverted and judging. This can curb how Si is revealed depending on the auxiliary function.

Introverted Sensing is an auxiliary function in ESTJs (TeSiNeFi) and ESFJs (FeSiNeTi). As an auxiliary function, it will balance ESFJs and ESTJs by requiring them to take in more information about the past and what has worked then what they would like to naturally consider. Because Si is attached to either Te or Fe, it is often associated with being very closed off to new ideas. Si filtered through Fe and Te sounds a lot like “We’ve always done it this way.” So, Si is often seen as being very restrictive, but Si is a perceiving function, its dominant users take in all possible information of the past and then externalize what they judged to be relevant. For this reason, they make great researchers. And its auxiliary users, are often quicker to judge the available past information, for this reason they make great quick decision leaders and perseveres of a process that has worked for hundreds of years.

But often the weaknesses associated with Si users is that they can be stubborn, judgmental of people acting outside of social norms, obsessed with social status and they often find it difficult to relax.

Introverted Feeling (Fi) – This function is the dominant function of INFPs (FiNeSiTe) and ISFPs (FiSeNiTe). This function is a judging function, which means that its primary purpose is to judge information, and since it is introverted these evaluations will be directed inward. Dominant Fi users, spend a great deal of time evaluating their own emotions, values and beliefs. They have a very innate sense of right and wrong and often struggle with verbalizing their own understanding. Their feelings run deep and are complex, for this reason many of our greatest authors and artists were either INFPs or ISFPs since their auxiliary function requires them to externalize their own evaluations of their emotions and let them interact with the world. Because their auxiliary function is either Se or Ne, perceiving functions, Myers Briggs refers to them as Perceivers, even though their dominant function is judging. Externally, they are perceived as being very open minded to ideas and experiences, but it takes a lot of vetting, trust and time to get through to their core values and feelings. But they have a natural ability to see the core of those close to them and for this reason always see the good in people.

Introverted feeling is an auxiliary function in ENFP (NeFiTeSi) and ESFP (SeFiTeNi). As an auxiliary function, it will balance the Ne’s and Se’s desires for constant experiences and new ideas by requiring them to stop and judge the emotional experiences and beliefs that they have gathered and deciding what they really believe in and feel. Because Fi is attached to Ne and Se, it often comes out of its user as “Because that’s how I feel.” Or “I did that because it felt like it would be fun.” They enjoy experiences for the sake of experiencing how it makes them feel and therefore often make great performers.

But often the weaknesses associated with Fi, involves abrupt defensiveness if their feelings are questioned, they are sensitive and can be too idealistic and impractical. INFPs and ISFPs will often focus on how they feel about something or someone and forget to evaluate whether they are being treated with the same devotion and therefore they can easily get taken advantage of. And often Fi users, both dominant and auxiliary, will focus so much on how they feel about something that they will forget to evaluate whether how they feel about it actually matters compared to someone else’s.

Introverted Intuition (Ni) – This function is the dominant function of INTJs (NiTeFiSe) and INFJs (NiFeTiSe). This function is a perceiving function, which means its primary purpose is to take in information, and since it is introverted, this type of information gathering is directed inward. Ni users focus on information that is abstract and new and they love to be the minds at the forefront of a specific expertise. They will focus on new theories and patterns in things that interest them and will develop at a very young age a natural way of understanding the world, how it works, and the patterns involved. INFJs and INTJs are very open-minded, almost anything that they haven’t heard before is considered but because their auxiliary function is either the Te or Fe, judging functions, they are often seen judgmental. The truth is ideas are absorbed and attached to maybe other concepts for consideration but are often challenged through their supporting functions and they can be seen as stubborn.

Introverted Intuition is an auxiliary function in ENFJs (FeNiSeTi) and ENTJs (TeNiSeFi). As an auxiliary function it will balance ENFJs and ENTJs by requiring them to challenge their judgments with new abstract concepts, ideas and patterns. They are similar to ESTJs and ESFJs in that they need a function willing to take in more information to prevent them from making judgments too quickly but the difference is the type of information that they are interested in and take into account for their evaluations. Auxiliary Si users evaluate information based on past experiences in the physical world, while auxiliary Ni users evaluate information based on its ability to abstractly challenge their understanding.

Ni users have a certain mysterious quality to them and a natural confidence in how to navigate their own understanding. Underlying patterns are very easy for them to notice; therefore, they make excellent strategists and counselors. They break a system down or their understanding of a person and quickly pinpoint the issues and understandings that need to change.

However, all of this ability can lead to some weaknesses. Ni users can come off as arrogant, judgmental, and extremely resistant to real world experiences, seeing them as a waste of time or a distraction from breaking down their understandings.  

Introverted Thinking (Ti) – This function is the dominant function of INTPs (TiNeSiFe) and ISTPs (TiSeNiFe). This function is a judging function, which means that its primary purpose is to judge information, and since it is introverted these evaluations will be directed inward. Ti users focus on evaluating logical, technical patterns in systems. Dominant Ti users spend a great deal of time evaluating their own logical thought processes. Since Ti is attached to Ne or Se, they will lean towards evaluating either abstract theories and concepts or real-world applications. For this reason, dominant Ti users make great engineers, programmers, and mechanics. The supporting functions, ensure that Ti users are constantly evaluating new information to be filed into their understanding of the system that they are analyzing. All information is collected but it isn’t always included in their understanding. ISTPs rely on real world applications and experiences before it is added to their understanding of their systems, while INTPs rely on evidence and logical arguments.

Introverted Thinking is an auxiliary function in ENTPs (NeTiFeSi) and ESTPs (SeTiFeNi). As an auxiliary function, Ti will balance Ne’s and Se’s constant scramble for information and experiences and require them to evaluate the information and experiences that they’ve gathered and judge their utility or logical value.

While Ti users are great at breaking down a system to its logical skeleton they also have several weaknesses. They become so focused on their internal processes that they forget to attend to things that don’t interest them. This can include anything from basic hygiene to maintaining healthy relationships. And they are also absolutely terrible at recognizing the emotional states of other people.

Extroverted Sensing (Se) – This function is the dominant function of ESFPs (SeFiTeNi) and ESTPs (SeTiFeNi). This function is a perceiving function, which means its primary purpose is to take in information, since it is extroverted, this type of information gathering is directed outward. Se users are primarily interested in collecting experiences for their physical benefits.   They are adrenaline junkies, they like the spotlight and are often the center of the party. Very open minded and almost always down for an adventure.

Unfortunately, this constant chase after experiences can cause them to seem materialistic, flighty, unfocused and struggle to plan long term goals. Coupled with Fi, they become sensitive and with Ti, they become insensitive, despite their surface level excellent people skills.

Extroverted Feeling (Fe) – This function is the dominant function of ESFJs (FeSiNeTi) and ENFJs (FeNiSeTi). This function is a judging function, which means that its primary purpose is to judge information, and since it is extroverted these evaluations will be directed outward. Fe users are primarily concerned with harmony in a community. They work tirelessly to bring people together. They are excellent at reading people at social graces and they are some of the most loyal people always there to help one another help if it is needed.

Unfortunately, this can cause them to avoid confrontation at a bigger cost to their well being, they can put to many social expectations on themselves. The desire to help others is so strong that they suppress their needs in a harmful way.

Extroverted Intuition (Ne) – This function is the dominant function of ENTPs (NeTiFeSi) and ENFPs (NeFiTeSi). This function is a perceiving function, which means its primary purpose is to take in information, since it is extroverted, this type of information gathering is directed outward. Ne users are primarily interested in collecting experiences, opinions and ideas for the sake of understanding how people think and how the universe works. Coupled with Ti, ENTPs are primarily concerned with understanding systems and patterns, while Fi users, ENFPs focus on an emotional world and how everything ties together with how they feel and how others feel. Both are typically popular and well liked if they find a group that appreciates their outlook and goofy attitude. They are often all over the place when socialization, taking in as much information as possible. Extremely energetic and open to hearing anyone’s opinions. But these types  are also often regarded as the most introverted of the extroverted types. Ne requires a specific type of extroverted exposure. Too much socializing without exploration of the ideas that interest them, causes them to burn out quickly. And Ti coupled with Ne can make ENTPs seem argumentative because they like to attack knowledge and opinions from every angle. And the threat of becoming bored easily and an inability to accept stability and practical matters as important is a big problem for both types.

As an auxiliary function, it gets expressed in their introvert cousins only when they are around people that they trust.

Extroverted Thinking (Te) – This function is the dominant function of ESTJs (TeSiNeFi) and ENTJs (TeNiSeFi). This function is a judging function, which means that its primary purpose is to judge information, and since it is extroverted these evaluations will be directed outward. Te users are primarily concerned with planning and organizing the world around them into logical systems. They are driven and are often leaders, when healthy they listen to their subordinates and evaluate information before showing their arrogance. Both types have very little tolerance for excuses or complaints for why something didn’t get accomplished. They regard most of humanity as being extremely lazy. Coupled with Ni, Te users become extremely efficient at recognizing the utility of others realizing their goals.

Functions with personality code.

NiTeFiSe – INTJ                 NeTiFeSi – ENTP

NiFeTiSe – INFJ                 NeFiTeSi – ENFP

SiTeFiNe – ISTJ                  SeTiFeNi – ESTP

SiFeTiNe – ISFJ                  SeFiTeNi – ESFP

TeSiNeFi – ESTJ                 TiSeNiFe – ISTP

TeNiSeFi – ENTJ                 TiNeSiFe – INTP

FiSeNiTe – ISFP                  FeSiNeTi – ESFJ

FiNeSiTe – INFP                 FeNiSeTi – ENFJ