“You were close this time.” Said the small brown haired boy grinning at me from across the white desk. I stared at him. Then at the blinding whiteness surrounding me. I winced. My memories were blurring. How had I gotten in front of this young desk clerk when moments before, I’d been driving my car? I refocused back on the boy, processing what he’d just told me. “What was I close to?” I asked. The boy pinched his fingers at the bottom of his pencil and wrote something illegible down on the paper in front of him. I studied his effort, wanting to show him how to write properly but I resisted the urge. He’d learn over time. “I can’t tell you that yet. You are still trying to figure it out.” He said after a few minutes of silently writing. His dark brown eyes returned to mine, piercing me with simple understanding.
My mind jumped back to wondering how I’d gotten there. Something terrible had happened. Of that much, I was sure. “What happened to me?” I asked. The child finally set down his pencil, having finished his script, and interlaced his fingers. “Shut your eyes and you will remember.” He said. I closed my eyes and then felt the crash happen all over again. Like jumping straight into a nightmare, I felt my stomach lunge forward. A queasiness spread throughout my body and then I tasted the chemicals from the airbag spraying into my mouth again, causing my arms and face to burn from the reaction. My mind felt fuzzy and my entire body shook violently. The seat next to me was barely visible in the fog from the engine. What happened? Why did this happen? My mind started to interrogate me already, causing me to shake more. And maybe for a second, I started to calm down. I thought, you should probably get out of your car. Face the mess and the other people involved in the crash. But I don’t. I just sit there. Breathing in the sharp smell and rubbing my burning arms. The man in front of me gets out of his car. He staggers and then looks back at me. Our eyes meet and his widen as he lunges forward to warn me of something. But I already know it’s too late. I smile at him and then a huge comforting warmth explodes and instantly envelopes me. It was orange and bright and it burned like a thousand candles and released my soul.
My eyes slam open. I’m kneeling in front of the white table, my palms are gripping the floor with all my strength. The floor is white and the air is no longer burning my skin but sweat is still dripping down my nose and creating a pool underneath me. My arms are shaking so violently that I can’t believe they are still capable of holding me up. “Did I die?” I finally manage. “You did.” The child behind the desk answers. “Why?” I ask. “There are many possible reasons. Perhaps in your next life, you will understand.” He says. “My next life?” I say as i muster the strength to force my legs to stand again. The boy nods. “You are an old soul that has never grown old.” I continued to stare at him. I no longer needed clarification. Despite the memory of the wreck and my shaking body, I had had this feeling while I was still alive. I remembered choosing a life on Earth dozens of times. “You can choose not to go back this time.” The boy said. My soul tensed. I could choose an alternative universe where all was already understood. Where no one was lost and life was simple and easy. I’d already been given the option dozens of times, but each time, I’d chosen the path where I was forced to figure things out on my own. Like most souls, we wanted to prove that we could learn things for ourselves. But each death was a restart and we could only recognize the residue of past lives if we really paid attention. It was hard and confusing and most souls got lost. Many forget what we are supposed to be learning and the only thing we learn is how to fight our own souls. But the child had said I was close. Close to what? I wasn’t sure. Whatever it was, he smiled at me in a way that I knew discovering it on my own would be worth all of the risk and all of the heartache that I was sure to experience. “So you’ve decided to return to Earth then?” He asked, interrupting my thoughts. I stared directly into his eyes and nodded. He smiled approvingly and pulled out another sheet of paper from a drawer under his desk. “Read this carefully, sign and then answer the question at the bottom. And then you will enter your new life.” He said.
I leaned forward to read the document. It said: “I UNDERSTAND THAT I’M RETURNING TO EARTH OF MY OWN FREE WILL. I WILL INTERACT WITH OTHER SOULS OF FREE WILL, THOSE THAT ARE LOST AND THOSE THAT ARE DISCOVERING. THEREFORE, MANY TERRIBLE AND WONDERFUL THINGS MAY HAPPEN TO WHAT I AM. I WILL NOT HOLD THE ONE ACCOUNTABLE FOR THESE OCCURRENCES, AND IF I BECOME LOST, I AM SOLELY RESPONSIBLE FOR LOSING WHAT I AM.” I signed and then read the question. “WHAT IS YOUR GOAL IN YOUR NEXT LIFE?”
To listen to others for better understanding and to let them be themselves
Written: June 13, 2017
Closed System 