Solving Problems I can’t Fix
I love thinking about solutions to problems that may or may not be realistic. I pretend, for a moment, as if I am in a position to enact the solution and think, what would I do to fix this problem? This article is the first in a series of ideas that I’ve spent time contemplating and solving just for the fun of it.
American Football needs a new name.
If the NFL wants to take our football to the rest of the world, it needs a new name. We simply cannot compete with the same name as the most popular game in the world, soccer, or actual football. Actual football has 3.5 billion fans around the world. And I call it actual football because most of the players use their feet to control the ball.
Whereas, American Football, there is only one starter on a team that kicks a football, the rest of the players hardly ever touch the ball with their feet and if they do, it’s on accident. The reason it’s still called football goes back to its Rugby origins, which you can read about here, Why Is The Game Called Football? | Pro Football Hall of Fame or American football | Definition, History, Leagues, Rules, & Facts | Britannica if you’re interested, but I think it’s time we updated the name to reflect the actual game itself and give it a chance compete with REAL Football on the world stage.
So let’s pretend for a moment, that I am in a position to change the name of American Football, what would I call it?
(for the sake of consistency I will now refer to actual football as soccer and American Football as football)
At first, I was hooked on the this new name; FALL-BALL.
I thought it was an apt name because football players spend most of their time just falling to the ground. They might not all fall every play, but falling is a frequent part of football. They fall trying to catch the ball. They fall trying to throw it. And the fall trying to prevent others from catching it. And football players are exceptional at falling because they’ll fall down, have a 300 lb 6’5″ dude fall on top of them and they’ll still jump right back up. It blows my mind every play. I imagine myself falling the dozens of times that they do every game and I know I wouldn’t be able to get back up, if I was even still alive. But, there was one nagging problem I had with calling it Fallball, it sounds kind of lame and likely wouldn’t be taken seriously. Even though I find it amusing, football deserves a name that will spark interest in people around the world.
After some more pondering, I realized that football players weren’t just falling for no reason (although they occasionally do trip), the reason they are falling so much is because they are being tackled. Therefore, the name that I propose we change football to is, TACKLE-BALL.
It’s truly a perfect name because everyone, and I mean everyone from the kicker to all of the defense, offense, special teams, even the people on the sidelines sometimes, is either tackled, tackling, avoiding getting tackled or trying to tackle someone else every. single. play.
I also think the name sounds cool, it reminds me of wrestling and it’s unique, which means that it will stand out and make it easier for people in other countries to differentiate it from soccer.
However, I did just search the word Tackle and learned it is a slang term in the UK for male sexual organs, so that is a bit annoying. But also, so is the word ball, so screw it. I think it’s a great name.
Another benefit is that we could retire the name soccer and then soccer can be known in America as football. And all fans of all these sports can be united under a common goal. And then maybe we could switch to the metric system and Jerry could retire from making decision for the Cowboys. And then we’ll just end world hunger and all of the wars while we’re at it. Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself, one problem I can’t actually fix at a time.
Anyways, if you feel like calling football Tackleball with me, maybe we can make it a thing and if not, I hope I at least made you smile.
And NFL, if you’re reading this and you do decide to change the name, please reach out to me, I’d be happy to let you use the name for a small fee 😎
Closed System 